In the song "Tainted" by Kaylie Stewart she describes some of the feelings I have been wrestling with lately. I believe that there is something wrong with me because of what was done to me. It doesn't matter how many times the logical side of my brain tries to tell me that it's not true, it's a fear I carry with me. I am afraid that people can look at me and see that I was raped - that I am forever tainted.
It was really nice to hear a song that accurately reflected my feelings without trying to make them go away.
"You are going to leave her with those agonizing permanent scars
Did you ever think about the devils you would leave in her head"
The inner shame after rape and abuse is real. And yes there are times I would rather keep silent because if one more person blames me for the horrible things that were done to me, I don't think I could take it. No one deserves to be raped. Not even a rapist. No one.
"She knows she's never going to be the same
But she don't testify because she doesn't want to be the one to blame"
I'm grateful for this song and especially the last line: "And she's not going to give up the fight."
You can listen to a sampling of the song here. Or purchase it here.
What did you think? Did the song reflect some of your experience and feelings?
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