I was devastated. I had been told that the case against my rapist could not go forward due to the statute of limitations in Utah, as it took place before the law changed in 2009. I didn't understand how I could have gone through the agony of coming forward a decade later, letting myself remember the terrible experience and then telling my incredibly personal story to a police detective for it to mean nothing. Without a conviction my rapist is free to hurt others and there's nothing I can do to stop him.
I talked to my therapist about how low I was feeling about the news - I didn't know how I was going to go on. He said I needed to find a way to get my voice back, to end this chapter on my terms. I knew exactly what I needed to do. I prayed a lot and with the support of my husband approached Detective Kent of the Provo Police Department and my Victim Advocate Mary Ellis about helping me confront my rapist over the phone. Even though the case had been declared over, they readily agreed.
The night before the scheduled call we realized that the next day was a holiday. Detective Kent and Mary were not working. I panicked when the call was going to be moved to another day and time. I couldn't do it. Understanding my anxiety, both gave up their personal vacation time. They met me at an empty police station to help me face my biggest fear, hearing my rapist's voice again. Every day I have carried the fear of freezing or collapsing at the very sound of his voice. But with their support I did it! While my rapist didn't apologize for his criminal actions over the phone, I achieved a huge success that day - I got my voice back!
I am incredibly grateful to Detective Kent and Mary Ellis of the Provo Police Department for believing and supporting me. And specifically for their service on that one day that I really needed it. I am also thankful to their families for supporting them in their professional service so much as to allow them to serve me, even on a holiday. I am eternally grateful.
As it turns out my case was later reinstated because in Utah if you have DNA evidence or the perpetrator moves out of state there is no statute of limitations, no matter the year it occurred. I am very thankful to Ryan McBride of the Utah County Prosecutors Office for reviewing my case and discussing it with me face to face, even though it was decided not to be taken to court. Without the verbal admission of guilt Mr. McBride determined my case wasn't strong enough to press charges. My rapist is still free with no criminal record.
While there are issues within the judicial system that need to evolve so that rapists can be stopped and our communities better protected, I am so glad for the updates that have already been made. The changes in statutes of limitations as well as the training for first responders and other civil servants is making a difference. Their service has made me stronger and helped me to heal because they believed me and supported me. Thank you.
-Hailey
Dear Hailey,
ReplyDeleteThat you are willing to speak out and help others- even though your case was not prosecuted- speaks volumes to your willingness to be courageous. So many sexual predators and offenders (and even sex addicts) get away without consequences, leaving their victims to feel even more unseen and unheard. But your voice has not been silenced, and you are standing firm in yourself. So proud of you.