Song Suggestion: Tainted by Kaylie Stewart

In the song "Tainted" by Kaylie Stewart she describes some of the feelings I have been wrestling with lately. I believe that there is something wrong with me because of what was done to me. It doesn't matter how many times the logical side of my brain tries to tell me that it's not true, it's a fear I carry with me. I am afraid that people can look at me and see that I was raped - that I am forever tainted.

It was really nice to hear a song that accurately reflected my feelings without trying to make them go away.

"You are going to leave her with those agonizing permanent scars
Did you ever think about the devils you would leave in her head"

The inner shame after rape and abuse is real. And yes there are times I would rather keep silent because if one more person blames me for the horrible things that were done to me, I don't think I could take it. No one deserves to be raped. Not even a rapist. No one.

"She knows she's never going to be the same
But she don't testify because she doesn't want to be the one to blame"

I'm grateful for this song and especially the last line: "And she's not going to give up the fight."

You can listen to a sampling of the song here. Or purchase it here.

What did you think? Did the song reflect some of your experience and feelings?

Song Suggestion: Beautiful, Not Broken by Kaylie Stewart

I found out about Kaylie Stewart through some inspired events and meetings. I messaged her on Facebook after learning she is a survivor herself of sexual assault. From what I heard, her latest EP (mini album) describes her healing process. After messaging with her I purchased her EP from iTunes and I loved what I heard.

The first song I listened to was "Beautiful Not Broken." In general I hate songs that are positive about overcoming trauma, and from the title that's what I figured this song would be. But I was wrong. She recognizes life can never be the same after violence against a person, however it doesn't mean you are forever broken. I love the lines:

"The cracks become our stories written underneath our skin
Dress your cracks in gold, you're beautiful not broken"

You can listen to a sampling of this song here. Or purchase it here. After my rapes and abuse I know that I can never be the same again. But that's okay, I can take this opportunity to grow through the pain. As she sings:

"Don't be afraid to open up and feel the pain
Embrace the beauty of the gold that glistens through your veins."

That is what I pray for every day. To be better tomorrow then I am today, to help someone else...

"You were born with the strength to fall and rise again."

Did you listen to her music? What did you think? What songs touch you?