For years I hid the pain and shame of my rape and I thought I was okay. Then one night, over ten years after the experience, things intensified. The occasional nightmares became more frequent. The constant playing of my rape in my head, got louder. The flashbacks happened daily. My anxiety went through the roof and I didn't want to leave the house. So many things triggered me that I couldn't watch T.V., listen to the radio or even read books. I felt crazy and broken, and that everyone around me could see it too.
After months went by and I still struggled, I found The Center for Women and Children in Crisis, I started going to group therapy, told my story to a very professional SVU Detective, got assigned a victim advocate, was put on the wait list for an EMDR rape trauma therapist, and had some really hard nights with my husband holding me. It was incredibly rough on me and my family.
Thankfully things are getting better now a year after my rape trauma symptoms intensified. I am seeing the EMDR rape trauma therapist and taking medication for my anxiety - it has made a huge difference! However, there are still days I have to really work through. I've had to look for other ways to help me heal, learn to love myself, and to trust God again.
One big hang up for me has been trying to love my body, and feel safe in it. I really wanted to take a yoga or dance class but was terrified that the music, moves or attitude of others would just create more pain. So I looked for classes designed for victims of sexual assault and couldn't find any. In my moment of need I reached out to all of the universities and any organizations I could find asking them to create classes for victims. Dean Alexis Palmer, from UVU, responded saying she would like to help. She connected me to her Wellness Program Director, Sarah Graves, who said if I found an instructor they would help with everything else!
I contacted the Rape Recovery Center in Salt Lake City and through the nonprofit group InBody Outreach their patients receive weekly yoga. I contacted this group, and through some heavenly intervention, found a yoga instructor who is trained for helping sexual assault victims and graduated with a modern dance degree! Destiny, from ShaunTea Health and Wellness, volunteered her services.
In September, UVU held the first Healing Yoga and Dance class for Survivors of Sexual Assault. It was amazing! I was shocked by all of the emotion that was being held within my body. With Destiny's instruction I was prepared for the possibility of tears, and she helped adjust me so it wasn't overwhelming. With the addition of the UVU therapist in the class with us, I felt safe. Everyone that was there had pain like mine, it was a safe place to feel and work through grief.
After the yoga I felt lighter than I had in months, it was so freeing! Then we had a modern dance class and learned a traditional African celebratory dance. I loved it! I had to completely let go in order to try the moves, which was terrifying to me. But when I did, I felt joy and happiness I never thought I could within my body. It was an incredibly spiritual experience.
The class went so well that UVU has offered to sponsor more! The next classes will be November 10th and I can't wait! I loved the experience, and I look forward to sharing it with more people! Please share and let those around you know of this incredible FREE healing opportunity. It is for the community, you do not need to be a student, and friends and family of victims are welcome! Contact uvuwellnessprograms@uvu.edu for more information!
What types of things help you heal, lessen the pain and make you feel more whole?
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