I Needed EMDR Therapy

 

I never went to therapy until college. I moved away thinking that college would solve my problems. What I didn't expect was how helpless I would feel when I would receive troubled calls from home and there was nothing I could do about it. The stress of family followed me to college and compounded. A friend recommended that I go see a therapist. I went to the university counseling center for a couple of months and was grateful for someone to talk to.

It was the Spring of my Sophomore year when I experienced my rape trauma. Months later I was referred to a psychologist because I couldn't sleep due to my nightmares. She didn't ask about my nightmares, just gave me medication to sleep. The first dose level only trapped me in my nightmare, I couldn't wake up from him repeatedly raping me. Then she gave me a stronger dose so I wouldn't dream. I had panic attacks and extreme PTSD symptoms, but no one saw it. I didn't know what I was experiencing, I thought I was crazy.

Over ten years later my PTSD symptoms came back incredibly strong. I read in Confronting Abuse: An LDS Perspective by Horton, Johnson and Harrisson that it is common for memories of trauma to resurface between the ages of 30 and 50. This helped me to understand that I was "normal". And further reading allowed me to better understand me and what happened: "Recognition of past abuse allows victims to heal and stop blaming themselves. Recognition allows them to become better partners and parents, Recognition provides an honest understanding of the past and allows a person to live more fully." (p15)

I realized pretty quickly that I needed help. I went to two different therapists who used Cognitive Based Therapy, among others, but I wasn't getting any better. It was nice to be listened to and supported, but my symptoms were debilitating. I spent months on the waiting list for the EMDR Rape Trauma therapist at The Center for Women and Children in Crisis. In the meantime I attended group therapy and LOVED it. It helped me with little things I could do to look at my situation differently but I still had a gaping hole within me.

It wasn't until I met with the rape trauma therapist, realized I had PTSD, was told I was constantly in crisis mode and put on medication that things started to change. My therapist uses therapy tappers for me to hold and keep me present while I work through the horrible memories I have from my past. At the end of a session I can feel a tangible change in me. Memories that would cause me to burst in to tears at the first mention now no longer cause me physiological pain. They still suck but do not haunt me as they have,

I have a long way to go and I know that now, but I am grateful that my eyes are finally opening to the truth. Even though it's incredibly painful. I am grateful for EMDR therapy and how it is helping me heal from the horrible trauma I experienced.

John 8:32 "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."

Have you had experience with EMDR therapy? What has helped you?