How Yoga and Dance Helps Me Heal From Rape

When I was raped, I was torn apart. I saw my body as the enemy. I wrongly believed that my body had failed me. That it had somehow tempted my rapist into hurting me and that it didn't fight back enough to protect me. I didn't know then what I know now ... that it was HIS choice to rape me. He had planned it. And my body did it's best. Whether it was from being drugged the first time, freezing in panic the second or submitting later in order to survive ... I did my best.

One thing that I can't seem to fix without active help is the connection between my brain, body and soul. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself "It wasn't your fault," I still blame myself. It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself "My body isn't bad," I still feel that way. While therapy has been huge to help heal these connections, I need to be able to practice loving myself and my body. And what's really important to me, is to practice in a safe place. This is what these Healing Yoga and Dance classes at UVU have been for me.

The classes are conducted by Destiny, from Shauntea Health and Wellness, a licensed yoga instructor trained to help victims of sexual assault.

 

She plans the class with specific restorative poses to help release and overcome pain from sexual assault. I love how she warns me and supports me as I experience emotions and pain that arise. Destiny is also a Modern Dance teacher and uses her special training in African Dance to provide fun full body dancing. These dances have pushed me to trust my body, to let go, and to just have fun.

Another element that helps me feel safe is that UVU has provided a therapist from their Student Health Center to attend these classes. At anytime I need a break, or to go talk she is there to help. Just having her present has allowed me to let down my walls and let my emotions flow. Because I know if it's ever too much, she's there.

The first class in September opened my eyes to how much pain I carry in my body.  This time I breathed through my anxiety. We held a pose that made me incredibly anxious. While laying on the mat I began to panic that I would again be attacked. The feeling was so overwhelming but Destiny talked us through it. She told me what to expect and then to breath through it. It took time but my mind and body came together and I was able to calm down. This was a huge moment for me, a person who feels helpless by anxiety. In the end I was able to feel peace. I have really enjoyed these classes and look forward to many more!

If you are interested in knowing of our upcoming events please contact me and I will email you. Have you found yoga or dance helpful to you?